Where Am I?

By Esther Liu

Twenty some years ago, a seminarian couple moved into a rundown house close to the Fuller Theological Seminary campus. Even with the leaky roof and chipping paint, to be able to live there without rent and with only a token fee to maintain the house was a God-send for the cash-strapped students. Looking at the blooming yard of their neighbors, they decided that they too could plant a garden. However, within weeks all the flowers they had planted withered and died. None of the seeds put in ever sprouted either. Checking deeper into the history of the house, they learned that the former tenants were car mechanics who would fix cars in their backyard. Car waste such as used motor oil had been seeping slowly into the soil month after month, until the soil was saturated with black oil. Digging a little more in the backyard also revealed many different kinds of debris buried under the surface. Their messy backyard, which looked like any regular messy backyard, was in fact so contaminated that it was not able to support the growth of any living thing other than unsightly weeds.

Unfortunately, many Christians’ lives today closely resemble that backyard, so burdened with past emotional wounds, dark secrets, deep toxic views about God, and unspoken fears and shame that they cannot bear fruit. Too many times, pastors, Christian educators, and church leaders (myself included) have stood on the side of the “vineyards” that God has entrusted to us, scratching our heads in frustration and wondering out loud why, after so many years of hard work, sowing of seeds, and caring and watering, our vineyards still cannot (or are barely able to) produce any good fruit. Many of us failed to see the “debris” and “waste” that contaminated the soil. Without good soil, our vineyards produce either small and sometimes bitter fruit or nothing at all. I believe that it is time that we opened our eyes and see that as the gardening expert told the young couple that it would take much care, patience, and time to restore the garden, it will also take well measured teaching, some courageous moves, and the help of the Holy Spirit to free many Christians to truly flourish and grow in their relationship with God.

Therefore, this article, and the following nine, are really the first baby steps toward a more wholistic way of living the Christian life and the beginning of a long journey of spiritual formation (moving from diagram 3.1 toward 3.4 as I demonstrated in my last article). It strives to speak to who people are as whole persons (physical beings, emotional beings, intellectual beings, and cultural and relational beings) and to allow Christians to begin to experience the wholeness in Christ. It is indeed biblical; nevertheless, it is a much needed step away from “Word-centered” and single dimensional teaching/learning.

The overall design of this what I would like to call “Extreme Make-Over: Christian Edition” project revolves around the analogy of a vineyard and how, through five different stages of cleaning, enriching, planting, nourishing, and celebration, the vineyard can be changed from its fruitless beginning to a budding future.

Overall Design of the Curriculum

Stage (I) – Assessment of the vineyard now with an eye focused on the future.
Session 1: Reflection and Self-Assessment

Stage (II) Preparing the soil (removing the debris)
Session 2: Life reflection: people and events that
shaped and molded you
Session 3. Family/Cultural heritage
Session 4: Toxic views about God
Session 5: Forgiveness and grace

Stage (III) Enriching the soil
Session 6: Fasting, silence, and solitude
Session 7: Prayer and confession (prayer journal)

Stage (IV) Planting the seed
Session 8: Lectio divina (I)
Session 19: Lectio divina (II), Praying God’s Word
Session 10: Lifelong learning and trusting:
A focused life

Stage (V) A budding vineyard
Celebration

One unique difference between this project and the proliferating spiritual formation books and study guides written before is that it spends a good amount of time in raising awareness of the factors that could have stunted the Christian’s growth in God. It is my prayer and deep desire that all who go through this project will never look at themselves or others or God in the same old way again. Instead, each one will live every day anew and in great anticipation of the renewing power of the Holy Spirit to interact, to mold, and to change one’s very being!

OK, enough talking. Let’s start the real work! There is an old saying: if you don’t know where you are now, you cannot go where you want to go. So we will start our “extreme make-over” by assessing where we are now in our walk of faith. I’ve included two forms with this article: the first one is a simple assessment form about one’s relationship with Christ. The second one is the “One Another” form. Please go through the first form following instruction. Then please ask two people to do the second “One Another” for you.

One of the two people you asked should be a very close friend or spouse. The other one is for a Christian brother or sister who have served with you closely in ministry. Please note: none of these forms is meant to “judge,” but to help to paint a more accurate picture of your own spiritual condition at this point in your life. None of the assessment forms are perfectly designed and neither can tell the “whole story” about you. They are only tools (hopefully) helping you in your honest effort to know yourself.

I encourage you to prayerfully bring these three forms (after you finish collecting all the data) before God and spend some times in silence and solitude. Allow the Holy Spirit to speak to you where you are now and just as the way you are. Reread the last two articles about Jesus’ life and ministry and envision your life blossoms and grows into His likeness…a vineyard that is alive, beautiful, with branches laden with big, juicy fruits. Humbly ask God to show you the areas of your life (physically, emotionally, socially, spiritually) where cleaning needs to take place. Journal down what you learned from the assessment forms, from your own quiet self reflection, and most of all from God. And we will start the work of “cleaning the debris” in our next session! May the Lord of Light enlighten your heart and soul and bring to your mind His grace and love for you!

Like the popular TV show “Extreme Make-Over: Home Edition”, this project is best done in a trusting and safe community. I encourage you to keep 2-3 close friends (such as the two people who do the “One Another” form) closely informed about your effort and progress. Better yet, invite them to come with you in this journey! All also should be forewarned that God has been known to do strange and mighty things through this project!