Forgive Them!

By Dr. Jay Zinn

Consider what Dr. S.I. McMillen once wrote in his book, None of These Diseases…

“I have found that the moment I start hating a man, I become his slave. I can’t enjoy my work anymore because he even controls my thoughts. My resentments release excessive stress hormones and I become fatigued after only a few hours of work. The work I formerly enjoyed is now drudgery, and my brightly papered office seems like a dreary dungeon. Even vacations lose their pleasure. It may be a luxurious car that I drive along a lake fringed with the multicolored autumnal beauty of maple, oak, and birch; but moping in my resentment, I might as well be driving a hearse in mud and rain.

“The man I hate hounds me wherever I go. I can’t escape his tyrannical grasp on my mind. When the waiter serves me steamed lobster and clams, with asparagus, crisp salad, and strawberry shortcake smothered with ice cream, it might as well be stale bread and water. My teeth chew the food and I swallow it, but the man I hate will not allow me to enjoy it.

“King Solomon must have had a similar experience, for he wrote: ‘Better a dish of vegetables with love, than the best beef served with hatred’ (Proverbs 15:17 Moffatt).

“The man I hate may be miles away from my bedroom; but more cruel than any slave driver, he whips my thoughts into such a frenzy that my ‘perfect sleeper’ mattress becomes a rack of torture. The lowliest of serfs can sleep, but not I. I am indeed a slave to every man I hate.” —pg. 116

This result of slavery and imprisonment is driven home in Matthew 18:21- 35, when Peter asks Jesus how many times he should forgive an offending brother. Now Peter thought he was being extremely generous to forgive someone as much as seven times. But, Jesus upped the number to seventy-seven times. Then he went on to teach the parable of the unmerciful servant who had begged the king’s forgiveness for the fortune of debt he owed him. The king had pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go free from having to serve life imprisonment. But, that same servant, when he came across a debtor who owed him a few dollars, choked the debtor and demanded immediate payment. The debtor begged for mercy and patience, but the king’s servant threw the debtor into debtor’s prison. When word got back to the king about this, the unmerciful servant was thrown into prison until the debt, he had been forgiven of, was paid in full.

The moral of this parable is that we, who have been forgiven of all our sins by King Jesus, should in the same fashion forgive our brothers and sisters of their sins or offenses. This is why Jesus taught us to pray, “Forgive us our debts, AS we forgive our debtors.” So, to go to the Father and ask forgiveness for our sins and offenses, requires that we show mercy and forgiveness to those who have sinned against us.

To not forgive others their sins, is the sign of a person who doesn’t understand the high cost of getting even; they don’t understand the nature of God’s love. The unmerciful servant was clueless as to what had happened to him. He had been forgiven hundreds of thousands of dollars by the king. Yet, he still kept his ledger of resentment toward a man who owed him a few bucks. Here is an embittered fellow; blind to his own greed and self-centeredness. How do we know he was bitter and blind? He choked the man when he found him.

Now God’s love is defined in 1 Corinthians 13:5 as—”not easily angered and keeps no record of wrongs.” If we stack up others’ offenses toward us as our private collection to brood over, then our resentment turns into anger, anger into bitterness, and bitterness turns into diseases that not only corrupt and defile our own bodies—but will also corrupt Christ’s body, the Church. This is why Paul admonishes us to…
“Make every effort to live in peace with all men…see to it that no man misses the grace [unmerited mercy] of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” —Hebrews 12:14-15 NIV

And again he says…

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on LOVE, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace.” —Colossians 3:12-15 NIV

I don’t know if Paul realized how much he was offering us the antidote for an unhealthy life in mind and body. He also provided wise counsel for how to maintain a healthy church body. He said love is the antidote for diseases. Love forgives, keeps no record [ledger] of wrongs, and isn’t offended or easily angered when others sin against them.

The profoundness of this truth is driven home by Psychiatrist Smiley Blanton in his book, Love or Perish. In it he says that without love [i.e. the thoughtfulness and keen consideration of others] we become much more likely to perish from a variety of diseases of mind and body. Paul implied this to the Corinthian church that this was why some among them were weakly, sick, and had died prematurely. They were not considering and relating properly to the body of believers (1 Corinthians 11:27-31).

Let me illustrate this from a true story I once read. There was a retired couple in their seventies who had taken on a cottage industry of selling eggs. One day they had received a letter from their competitor which said,

Dear George,
I understand that you are selling some eggs to Harry Bickerstaff. You know that I have invested considerable money in the chicken business and supply more eggs to the people of this little hamlet than they can eat. You ought to know that my business is hurt by your dabbling around with a few hens and selling eggs to Harry. I think you ought to stop.
--- Manning Caspar

Certainly this couple had a right to sell their eggs. But Manning Caspar saw things different and unfairly and greedily interrupted their lives with this offensive request. He also shunned them publicly whenever they crossed paths in the town. You can imagine what an emotional turmoil this caused for this couple. They lost their peace of mind and also began to lose sleep. Stomach trouble began to trouble them, accompanied with heart pains. So they went to the doctor, only to find that their doctor bills cost more than the small profits they had made from their eggs. All this trouble and grief over eggs—just a few measly eggs.

So what did they decide to do—buckle in with determination to not give in to this man’s request? No. They decided the cost and price to get even was too high. Just like a grizzly is smart enough to know you don’t try to take on a skunk or you’ll end up smelling like one yourself. So the Caspar’s quit the business, forgave the man, got their peace back, and began to sleep like babies with no more aches or pains.

Internationally known psychiatrist, Alfred Adler, once wrote, “The most important task imposed by religion has always been, ‘Love Your Neighbor….’ It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow man that has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring.”

Dr. Adler had based his conclusions from analyzing thousands of patients. He believed that a lack of love was responsible for all human failures. This is why I believe Jesus commands us to love in his Sermon on the Mount. Not just because it’s a good thing to do, but because it’s a healthy thing to do and is a demonstration of a person’s maturity as a son of God. Here’s what he commanded:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you that you may be sons of your Father in heaven.” —Matthew 5:43-45 NIV

Paul expands on this command in his letter to the Christians at Rome,

“Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

“Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord. On the contrary:

‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.’

“Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” —Romans. 12:17-21 NIV

In the Old Testament, no one demonstrated this principle of forgiving enemies better than Joseph. His ten older brothers grew in resentment and bitterness over Joseph’s “favorite-son” status to Jacob, their father. Their anger, accumulated grudges, and unforgiveness led them to take Joseph and sell him as a slave to caravan traders on their way to Egypt.

Joseph’s life was taken from him—his family, his inheritance, his freedom— all stolen. He was minimized, despised, rejected, defamed, and imprisoned for years until God raised him up and made him governor of Egypt. But while Joseph went through this journey, he guarded his heart from resentment and committed himself to God who judges righteously. The result was, Joseph saved his entire family from famine because he refused to be bitter. He went from death to life because he had forgiven his brothers during those dark years.

Listen to this account of Governor Joseph’s attitude and mature perspective:

When Joseph’s brothers saw that their father [Jacob] was dead, they said, “What if Joseph holds a grudge against us and pays us back for all the wrongs we did to him?” So they sent word to Joseph, saying, “Your father left these instructions before he died: ‘This is what you are to say to Joseph: I ask you to forgive your brothers the sins and the wrongs they committed in treating you so badly.’ Now please forgive the sins of the servants of the God of your father.” When their message came to him, Joseph wept. His brothers then came and threw themselves down before him. “We are your slaves,” they said.

But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.” And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them.

—Genesis 50:15-21 NIV

Joseph was a victim of his brothers’ jealousies, anger, and resentment. But he refused to be a victim in prison through unforgiveness. Just like the grizzly, powerful enough to squash a skunk, Joseph could have easily avenged himself and squashed his brothers through his powerful position in Egypt. But then he would have been no better than his brothers. The victim [Joseph] would have become the perpetrator of the same crime. He would have smelled like a skunk himself. Instead, he let the skunks eat with him at his table. Like the grizzly, he knew the cost was too high to pay. A cost that would have alienated him from his family.

To get even with those who persecute you, betray you, victimize you, injure you, or harm you can take you from “being” a victim to “becoming” a perpetrator of gossip, slander, and character assassination. In short—you begin to smell like the skunk who skunked you.

Joseph’s life paralleled Christ’s life in many ways. But here’s one way that stands out. Joseph escaped the “dreary cell” because he forgave. He came out of the death grip of prison into a raised position of victory and exaltation over his enemies. Resurrection life can’t happen without forgiveness. Forgiveness precedes resurrection. It did with Jesus when he said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). Jesus, the Son [or mirror] of his Father’s nature—Merciful, Forgiving, Slow to Anger, Compassionate, Long-Suffering, Kind, and Loving—became neither the victim nor the perpetrator on the cross. He was King, a Victor over death and hate. He blessed those who cursed him. He did not retaliate or seek revenge. Instead, he did what he told others to do with their enemies—forgive them and love them.

Following this incredible act of forgiveness, Jesus came out of prison’s grave into resurrection life and immortality. So the take away in Joseph’s and Jesus’ life is this:

Where there is no forgiveness, there is only the grave of imprisonment.
Where there is no forgiveness, there is only defilement.
Where there is no forgiveness, there is no resurrection life.
Where there is no forgiveness, there is no peace.
Where there is no forgiveness, there is no love.
Where there is no forgiveness, there is no humility.
Where there is no forgiveness, there is no promotion.
Where there is no forgiveness, there is no joy.
Where there is no forgiveness, there is no health.
Where there is no forgiveness, there is no unity.
Where there is no forgiveness, there is an early, premature grave.

Stephen, in my mind, is the most honored saint of the New Testament. He bore the mark of Christ’s attitude and nature in the face of his enemies. He was the first martyr in the early church (Acts 7). While his executioners were stoning him, he prayed, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit,” and then he fell on his knees and cried out, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.”

Here was a man who understood and imitated the same spirit and attitude that Jesus displayed at his crucifixion. Stephen didn’t die as a victim, he died as a victor. He didn’t die embittered, he died empowered. So empowered was his forgiveness in death that he impacted the most powerful saint in the early church, the apostle Paul. Paul [first known as Saul] witnessed the stoning of Stephen and his “words of forgiveness.” I believe those words haunted him until the day he met Christ on the road to Damascus. The images of Stephen’s love and forgiveness must have helped him, too, when he himself was being stoned (Acts 14:19). Like Joseph, Jesus, and Stephen—Paul refused to be a victim of other’s sins against him and, instead, became victorious over the grave and death grip of unforgiveness.

The larger picture in all this is as simple as understanding that neither you nor I have ever been so deeply wronged as to become a prisoner like Joseph; brutalized, tortured, or crucified like Jesus; or martyred like Stephen.

So - I ask, is the offense you carry as significant as the offenses committed against them? Perhaps, in your mind, it is. Your anger and bitterness is justified. But it isn’t the Christian way. God’s love keeps no records of wrongs. Instead, it destroys the ledger and cancels the debt.

So what’s more important to you— Death through unforgiveness, or Life through forgiveness?

Which is more valuable to you— A few measly eggs, or peace of mind? A little bit of life’s garbage, pillaged by a skunk—or smelling like one?

It’s your choice. You do have a choice.

I believe the Word and our Father says - Choose life and forgive!